omgwtfbbq

So, after waking up this morning with the distinct sensation of a large weight crushing my face, I realized that my "sniffles" on Friday, "allergies" on Saturday, and "cold" on Sunday had turned into a "vicious sinus infection" by today. Upon leaving the apartment this morning (after an extra couple of hours of fitful sleep on the couch during a History Channel marathon of "Tales of the Gun"), my zombie-like appearance was an accurate, if understated, representation of how I was feeling.

I had looked around the apartment for an old stash of Dayquil caplets before leaving, and was unsuccessful... so, I walked into CVS looking like something that had crawled out of the gutter and sought something with pseudoephedrine and acetaminophen that could be consumed with coffee and might ameliorate my symptoms.

... The PATRIOT Act is perhaps the most misguided piece of "law enforcement" legislation since the Prohibition amendment of 1919 and the Massachusetts law banning unlicensed goatees.

Let me step back for a second... this March, much to my chagrin (and that of millions of those who value civil liberties throughout this nation), President Bush signed an extension to the provisions of the USA PATRIOT Act, perhaps the most misguided piece of "law enforcement" legislation since the prohibition amendment of 1919 and the Massachusetts law banning unlicensed goatees. Embedded within the latest version was the "Combat Meth Act," in which insane restrictions are placed on so-called "chemical precursors" to the manufacture of crystal meth. Particularly, it limits where certain OTC drugs are kept, sold, and recordkeeping.

Upon approaching the "cold/allergy" aisle at the pharmacy, I was faced with an extensive selection of little tags (kind of like buying video games at Toys R Us) with nifty little photos of all sorts of cold medications, and a bunch of boxes of the new, and decidedly ineffective, phenylephrine-based decongestants (like "Sudafed PE"). So, I pull a couple of little tags from the shelf and walk up to the counter.

The guy behind the counter timidly asks for my drivers' license and slides over this massive logbook binder, and flips to the page for the first letter of my last name. I now have to write down my name, address, date, time, and how many grams of Sudafed I'm buying. The clerk informs me that I'm buying 1.8 grams of the stuff, which is only 50% of the new federal daily purchase limit of 3.6g. While he's ringing up the remainder of my sale, I scan the rest of the logbook looking for who's bought the most, and jokingly comment, "hey, I'm only halfway there... looks like I should stop by again tonight!" The poor guy didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or call the FBI.

I guess I don't know where I'm going with this. I have come to a few conclusions, though:

• It's now practically impossible to just "stop by" the drugstore and buy some Sudafed if you're in a rush. Expect a long time at the counter and to be treated like a criminal.


• It's probably a good idea to start stocking up on the stuff, since it's only a matter of time before the Sudafed baby gets thrown out with the amphetamine bathwater. Buy your 3.6 grams per day and 9 grams per month so you'll have a stockpile when the men with jackboots come through and insist that saving you from the meth heads is worth the misery of sinus congestion.