you must be kidding me...

Words don't even begin to describe how I feel about this site: a beer pong table construction contest.


I mean... it violates my own personal beliefs on multiple levels.

• No man (or woman) should need a game or other diversion to instruct him (or her) when to consume beer.
  If you have beer, you should drink it.


• No beer should be contaminated by a nasty, slimy, vomit-coated table tennis ball.
  Beer should be consumed from a clean and unadulterated vessel.


• If an alcoholic beverage is of low enough quality that the aforementioned contamination either fails to deter the drinker and/or improves the flavor of the beverage, it is not beer.
  Bud Light is not beer.


• Beer pong, as a game that mediates the consumption of beer, tainted beer, or non-beer, is an affront to the liberties for which our forefathers gave their lives.
  Our ancestors fought for freedom from teetotalers, religious zealots, enslavers, and cheap, watery Pilsners.


• Any "game" so deviously subversive and viciously anti-American does not deserve our tacit approval, let alone the construction of dedicated venues, sporting organizations, or equipment for playing it.
  Beer pong tables support the terrorists and hurt our troops.

This scourge upon our pubs, bars, and universities must be stopped. Even at my alma mater.